of spontaneity, realizations and questions

monday? no, it's tuesday. good grief.

I've realized I need to afford more grace with people here, and that I need to get things back together and keep up with the original way things were planned when I got here instead of bumming around so much.

Today I got up, showered and all that as normal, bummed around a bit on the computer, cleaned my room and vacuumed it (needed it), listened to too much music (wait... is that even possible? I think not...), then went to the library and dropped off the movies I'd picked up a few days before (Elizabethtown, which I'd watched, and the first of the Narnia installments, but I'd not watched it because I didn't find the time). Then I went to Walmart to look for some sticky-tack to finally (!!!) put up stuff on my walls... but, alas! they do not have it there. I don't understand it, really. It was so weird. So... I don't know quite what to think about that as of now. I could make a cool collage, but I'm lacking anything to put it up with... perhaps it will just have to wait til I get back to Corvallis....

As I'd talked with Kali about hanging out the day before, she shot me a text saying she was free and interested in doing... something. There's not a real whole lot of anything to do here in Shenandoah - this, as more time goes on, I am realizing more and more. So we resorted to spontaneity, which went well, I would say. We talked a bit about what I'd been up to in the last few days, and she said she had a long story about her past that was kinda associated with people I'd been around recently. Small town. People know everyone. Everyone's lives are connected in one way or another. I love hearing peoples back stories, because it gives more depth and meaning to why they are where they are today, and why they are who they are. But I don't force it out of people, and she offered it, so we picked up some ice cream at McDonald's and headed out to Manti Park to walk and explore a bit.

Once we got to Manti Park and after walking through this incredibly mosquito-infested forested area, the trail opened back up to a grassy area surrounded by acres upon acres of corn. There was a small, super old cemetery there, which we checked out for a bit before walking further in the grass and sitting down to just talk. It was a really good conversation - deep, and flowing all over and around topics on life and faith and God and family and such. Then we goofed around a bit more and I shared some about where I live back in Oregon, and some of the silly things me and my friends from OSU do together. Then after awhile she wanted to go down to Brown Shoe Store (or something like that) downtown because they were having this big sale. Ulgh, on the walk back through the forested area, I got hounded by mosquitos. It was horrible. I must have to have sweet blood or something. I just don't get it.. Super obnoxious to say the least.

After finding out that Brown's was closed, we drove around town a bit, found this awesome old barn that looked like it was from an episode of Wishbone before we headed over to Walmart to well... hangout, because, like in Hood River, that's what you do in a small town. Hang out at Walmart. They don't really have the fun downtown area with parks and awesome views downtown, so no one really hangs there.

After bumming out at Walmart for a bit, we went over to Casey's and picked up some sodas before finding our way back over to the church lot, where we'd met up a few hours before. Then we just kinda sat outside the car and blasted some christian rock music before heading our separate ways for the day. It was fun to hang out, and I'm really glad we did.

Then I was about to head back to the farmhouse, but I just didn't have the motivation to do that... there really isn't much for me back there, and I didn't want to just bum around on the computer for the next few hours before going to bed. So, I went over to McComb park. Once there, I called a million people, but no one answered, which was lame. Then I called Kelly, and we talked for an awesome-tastic 10 minutes before she had to hang up to finish her last corner and unload the combine (she was at work). Then I called dad and we talked for around an hour. It was awesome to talk to him, and I found out that Aunt Linda and Uncle David live up in Chanhassen, MN. I hadn't realized that's where they lived... I'd figured it was somewhere like, super far north, but no!!! I'd love to visit them, and plus, I dare say that's not far from the vicinity of where Josh is.... which would be mega awesome beyond the world to see him again before I go back to Oregon. Especially up there, because we pretty much ran out of anything to do down here in Shan... haha.

Then I went home, and watched part of a show with Jan on Hulu - haven't done that in a long time... then I went upstairs. I wasn't super hungry, as has been the case for a few weeks now. Lame, as I'm not a fan of feeling nauseous all the time, but otherwise, I don't really care because I don't really notice. After I was upstairs, I hit up the computer and chatted with Stephanie and Erin on fb for a bit. It was awesome to talk with them. I miss them a whole freaking lot.

But the weird thing is that the longer I'm here, the better things are... I don't really know how to describe it. Shenandoah is really boring, and there aren't many people in it, and there's not much for me to do, and the garden is kinda well, not needing any work hardly anymore, but I'm loving Shenandoah Assemblies of God, and some of the people I've met there, and the more I realize it, the more I'm going to miss it when I leave. It's going to be hard to pack up and go back to Oregon: where my life is planned out like processed cookies for the next year.

I meant to go to bed soon after going upstairs as I was actually quite tired, but somehow, I managed to stay up with that all too common problem/addiction that I have: music. Yup. I am still up and it's almost 2. I had planned to get up and go for a run and be generally productive tomorrow, but goodness knows, I'm not even going to attempt to get up at 6 tomorrow after being up so late.

I looked up bus, train, and airfares to Minneapolis... it's all about the same. The great debate is: should I go? and if so, how long? or should I not go?

To go or not to go: that is the question.

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